This came up at my recent book Talk at the Milord Public Library. If you attended, I thank you for being there and would like to elaborate on this topic for you and for others.
We were talking about alcohol and the question was, “How do we fit in?” To which my answer was, “We don’t”
From someone who never grew up around alcohol, this was an easy response. I never saw any alcohol at home or any of my family members drinking it. The only notion I had of it was that it was not a good thing. It simply was not part of my world. I only tasted it in my 20’s and did not care much for it.
Ayurvedically, alcohol is a toxin that our body does not metabolize as is evident by the fact that we get drunk after consuming it; we don’t get drunk after eating food. At the same time, alcohol IS used medicinally in treating specific ailments and is used as a medium to transmit certain herbs to the body. As most of us know, alcohol is a depressant (it puts a lid on our stresses which in turn continues to cause stress), damages the liver, inflames the body which in turn dries the skin and leads to premature aging and not to mention makes the consumer mindless. Enjoying an occasional glass of wine is not problematic; just be mindful of how often is your occasional. I have often found in my practice that what we think of occasional is actually frequent.
Before jumping on Doctor’s recommendation of one glass of wine per day, it is a good idea first to assess the state of your overall health and perhaps exploring other heart smart life style habits that don’t have the side effects of alcohol. On top of my list is Meditation, followed by exercise, leaning towards a plant- based diet, cultivating close relationships, spending time in nature, and healing past grievances.
We live in abundant and anxious times and alcohol fits the bill. It is a life style symbol conveying that we are relaxing, having a good time, enjoying life and building relationships. We may not be conscious of these beliefs when we are drinking but these are our sub-conscious beliefs set in place from being in the world at this time with cutting edge marketing that knows human psyche. Because alcohol consumption is so normalized in our society today that not drinking it makes one feel out of place.
Here is what we must ask? Is the objective to fit in with the main stream or to live a mindful healthy life so we can do what we came here to do. For me, I always choose health because without it I can’t do what I came here to do, so I have decided to be okay with being the odd one out. What I have realized though that it’s our own insecurities that we project out to the people because people are not really that interested in you and quickly put their attention on to the next thing or person.
This question of “how to fit in” was quite loaded and telling. It is more than just about the alcohol. It is the pain of not belonging, not being enough, being found out that we have all experienced at some point in our lives. For me, it has never been around alcohol, but It has been around being single. Coming from a strong culture of marriage and family, this showed up when attending an Indian gathering by myself. It took some inner work and strength for me to be okay in my own skin and show up and have a good time. As long as I was comfortable with myself, I never noticed or faced any judgment of any kind. It’s my own sub-conscious beliefs that something isn’t right if you are still single, that came up that I had to work through.
Underneath that concern of fitting in is our own insecurities, the question of our adequacy, feeling less than, fear of being judged and rejected, and fear of being left out or isolated. The chances are that the question of fitting in has shown up in other areas of your life not just around alcohol. This is the bigger question and block that I would like to help you resolve at our meditation retreat.
Our deeper sub-conscious beliefs about ourselves can’t be solved with alcohol or marriage. There are energies behind these beliefs that we must learn how to transmute and free.
This is what our upcoming meditation retreat will help you heal and resolve.
Results of doing this work is you feeling comfortable in your own skin, showing up fully for your life, feeling expanded and full of love for yourself and having to face the question, “ do I fit in” loose its relevance.
The extra day is intentional as I realize that not everyone who should do this deep work is ready to do it yet but creating space for those who are ready. This work is a process and attending the retreat with or without the extra day will set the process in motion for your life. Detail and sign up here
In my book, “Healing Your Relationship with Food: The Ayurveda Answer” I talk about taking personal responsibility in Chapter 5
“Fitting in is way over-rated. Fitting in with like minded people is great, but in order for that to happen, you must know your own mind. A young client thought he should not be too hard on himself for drinking alcohol 3 times per week when everyone he knew was drinking almost daily. He actually felt bad about it and knew better; that should have been his reference point, not what the others were doing, as he discovered during our session.”
If you don’t yet have my book, Get your copy here
In trying to fit in, we take on someone else’s model of who and what we should be. This creates a subconscious conflict and undermines our own potential and our Self-Worth.
We will be working through this in our meditation Retreat. Detail and sign up here
If you are struggling with these issues, and would like to attend the retreat but have reservations, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your phone number and we will schedule a call.